Two Heads Are Better Than One? You've Obviously Never Done This Before
by Koohii Kappu
Summary: The morning after Shawn goes missing, Lassiter wakes up to discover that his mind is no longer entirely his own . . . and that he and Spencer are going to become "closer" than he ever imagined. Tiny Shawn whump in the beginning and lots more whump in the end. NOT SLASH (sorry Shassie shippers!). Apologies for the rubbish explanation :)
1. Prologue: Be Careful What You Wish For

**A/N: Helloooooooo~! It's been a long time since I've posted anything.  
** **. . .  
** **:)  
So this is a project I'm working on for the Psychfic community, mostly. But I'm releasing the first two chapters here as a test of sorts. I wanna see how it looks and how the reception is, so if you could leave a review that'd be amazing! :D Mostly I'm just working out a few kinks and plot knots here and there. I wrote this out of order and now I'm not sure exactly what order I want it to be in, sooooo . . . yeah.  
This is semi-based off of a Stargate Atlantis episode called "Duet". I recently re-watched it and thought it would be the PERFECT plot for Shawn and Lassie, so I adapted it and added my own spin :) I hope you like it!**

* * *

 **11:24 P.M.**

"Stupid Spencer and his stupid visions. Why doesn't the idiot just stop and actually show some respect for once in his stupid life? If the Chief would just let me at him for five minutes, I'd-"

Lassiter continued to grumble as he fumbled with his keys, mentally cursing at the dark. Finally managing to disengage the lock, he made a beeline for his bedroom, dropping his keys and his gun on his nightstand as he flopped onto his bed, sighing.

"Moron," he started, then unleashed a string of profanity into his pillow with his hands balled into tight fists. When he started to run out of air, he turned himself over onto his side, wincing as he accidentally put pressure onto his sore jaw.

Today had been the type of day that not even a shooting range full of immobile squirrel could fix. And even with Spencer hanging around, it took a very special level of terrible to become that far gone. It wasn't even that anything so horrible had happened - it was more like a string of bad things that just kept on coming. All. Day. Long.

Lassiter's fingers traced circles on the pillow next to him, and he suddenly felt ten times worse. He missed Marlowe. Is she were here, she would know exactly what to say to make him feel better.

Lassiter frowned, then cursed Ursula, then cursed Spencer again. In order to distract himself from the empty sheets next to him, he let his mind wander off on the rabbit trail that is Spencer - _Police work used to be so easy, dang it!_ \- because being angry was so much easier than being . . . well, anything else. So Lassiter threw of his frustrations into his pillow, tossed in a few more curses, and that, sprinkled with a dash of loneliness and just a pinch of anxiety, made the perfect self-pity soup.

He never even notice he was falling asleep.

The last thing he could remember before finally falling away was a desperate wish that Spencer would not be at the station the next morning . . . and that he'd never ask for anything again . . .

* * *

 **3:04 A.M.**

"Uh, the lady at the counter wanted a fresh batch of Strawberry-Raspberry Blend, and I got lost trying to find the right barrel?"

The man _tsked_ , reminding Shawn of the sound Gus made when he had caught him in an obvious lie. "I'm only going to ask you this one more time," he growled, leaning in for effect. "Why are you here?"

"Okay, okay, I'll give it to you straight. I got lost trying to find the bathroom. It's embarrassing, I know, but I didn't think anyone would notice if the water in the barrels was just a tiny bit more yel-"

Shawn's stomach caved in as the man's fist lashed out and buried it deep, deep inside. Discovering that he'd lost his breath someone underneath the collapse, Shawn gasped and sputtered in an effort to find it again.

"How about we try this a different way?" the man asked with a sickeningly sweet tone. He grabbed the back of Shawn's chair and shoved it backwards and let it hang, so that if he let go the chair would fall to the floor with a slam. "I'm going to ask you another question, and you're going to answer it honestly. Is there anyone else who knows where you are or has a means to find you in any way?"

Shawn's eyes were wide and alert like a terrified rabbit's. As he stared into the other man's cold, heartless pupils, fear swelled like a wave inside him and rose up into his throat. Swallowing didn't seem to help much.

 _I wish my dad were here._ Then Shawn inwardly winced. _God, has it really come to that?_

"Y-yes."

For a slight fraction of a second, Shawn hesitated and his eyes flicked somewhere beyond the man's shoulder. It wasn't much, but it was enough to tell when someone was lying.

"Kill him."

The man flipped the chair back upright but Shawn barely had time to scream before he felt a blinding pain and then darkness.

* * *

Lassiter growled in his sleep, his eyes twitching. He mumbled something in coherent, then with a sharp cry he bolted into the sitting position, his eyes open but glassy and unfocused. A second later, they rolled back into his head and he collapsed, unconscious once again.

* * *

 **Sorta short-ish, but this is just the way the beginning works, so . . . *shrugs* I'm posting this AND the first chapter today, so please read that one if you wanna see *real* stuff happen! XD As always, review! Pretty pretty please! Or read the next chapter and THEN review! XD**


	2. Freaky Thursday, Sans Fortune Cookie

**A/N: I would like it to be known in advance that I did not edit or rewrite this in any way (except for the first paragraph, the first time I wrote it was rubbish), because, like I said, this is a test run. You are about to read a 98% authentic first draft. Proceed at your own risk! XD**

* * *

The last wisps of a strange, twisted dream fled behind the cobwebs of Lassiter's brain as he cracked open his eyes, immediately groaning as he realized his jaw was so much more sore than it was yesterday. He blinked his eyes several times to clear his head, then rolled over so he was facing the nightstand and pulled his clock off the table, squinting at the light.

 _6:07 A.M._

 _"Too early,"_ someone moaned. _"Why am I even awake?"_

Lassiter froze. He _knew_ that voice. Whipping his gun off the nightstand, he turned over in the bed ready to shoot whoever was in the room with him.

But he was alone.

 _"Stop stop stop! I didn't tell you to do that!"_ The voice came again. _"Where did that gun even come from? Hang on . . . this isn't even my house!"_

Finally, the voice clicked in his exhausted mind and Lassiter sat up, his face red.

"Spencer! What the - Where - How-" he sputtered.

 _"Lassie? Are you here too?"_

"What do you mean, "are you here too'? I live here!" Lassiter roared. "What are you doing in my house?"

 _"Lassie, this is your house? I thought it seemed a little familiar . . . Where are you? I can hear you, but I can't see you . . ."_

"I was sleeping! On the bed!" Lassiter yelled. There was a moment of silence, then Shawn laughed nervously.

 _"No no no,_ I'm _on the bed."_

"I think I can tell where my own body is, Spencer! Now where are you really hiding? You better get your butt out of my house within the next ten seconds or so help me when I find you I WILL shoot you on the charge of tresspass-"

 _"Lassie, stand up."_

Taken by surprise by the suddenly serious tone Spencer had adopted, Lassiter forgot about being angry - or, at the very least, he forgot about his burning desire to kill Spencer. "Why?" he growled.

 _"Just do it. Please."_

"This better not be some trick-" he started as he stood up, but was interrupted by Shawn screaming.

"Spencer, what the heck is wrong with you? Could you stop screaming bloody murder for five seconds?!"

 _"I can see that! I'm_ doing _that!"_

"WHAT are you talking about?" Lassiter yelled.

 _"When you stood I could see it, like it was me, like I was the one standing! Like . . . Like I'm in your head!"_

Lasstier froze. "Spencer, this is _not_ funny. I'm psychically and mentally exhausted and this was NOT a good time to play a practical joke, so whatever you're trying to do, STOP-"

 _"I'm not kidding, Lassie!"_

"What did you do, hide a radio in my room?" As the thought occurred to him, Lassiter started going around the room, slamming drawers open and tearing things apart like a hungry raccoon in a trash can. "SPENCER! Where is it!"

 _"I swear this isn't a joke! I didn't put a radio anywhere! Go outside, go anywhere, you'll see!"_

"As a matter of fact, I think I will!" Lassiter snapped. Still clutching his pistol, Lassiter slammed the door behind him and marched outside, the sudden wave of heat seeping through his shirt. Spencer still hadn't stopped talking - _"This is like Freaky Friday gone seriously wrong - speaking of which, did you happen to eat any fortune cookies lately, Lassie? Or maybe just read a fortune? Or feel an earthquake that seemed to affect only you? Answering any one of those would be fine. I'm pretty sure that I didn't, so it's gotta be you-"_ \- and Lassiter jogged all the way around his house, his pace picked up when he realized that Spencer was indeed telling the truth - there wasn't a radio.

Lassiter burst into his kitchen, his throat tight with anger and slight panic, making him short of breath. "Spencer, will you please SHUT UP!" he yelled, his face filled with a deep crimson. Shawn finally stopped talking.

Panting and leaning against the counter, Lassiter buried his face in his hands, taking a deep, shaky breath. There was complete and utter silence for a few moments - just pure, golden silence. Lassiter peeked out between his fingers for a second, beginning to think that maybe this was just a dream, or he'd imagined the whole thing . . .

 _"Can I talk now, Lassie?"_ Shawn's voice whispered, unaware that those five little words had just destroyed the slight glimmer of hope Lassiter had felt. Growling, he swept his finger through his hair and tugged, hard.

"I must be dreaming," he muttered. "Having a nightmare. Or maybe I've just lost my mind."

 _"You haven't lost your mind, Lassie! You just have another consciousness in your body, that's all."_

"It. Can't. Be. Real!" Lassiter shouted. "Things like this don't happen! I'll just go back to bed." Started to feel a little calmer now that he had something of an idea, he nodded to himself. "Yeah, and I'll wake up again and everything will be back to normal."

Shawn snorted. _"Seriously, have you seen any movies ever? That NEVER works! I still say we should go find an old Chinese lady and ask her what your fortune said, if you really can't remember-"_

"For the last time, I didn't have a fortune cookie!"

 _"Well, do you have any other ideas?"_

"I'm still not convinced I haven't just lost my mind," Lassiter snapped. "Or maybe I died, and this is my Hell." Lassiter paused as a look of horror crossed over his face. "Oh God, that's it, isn't it? I'm dead and I'm going to be tortured for all eternity by Spencer. What did I do to deserve this? Was it what happened with the puppy? Because I _swear_ I didn't mean to hurt it-"

 _"Look, Lassie, I can prove it's really me,"_ Shawn said. _"If I was a figment of your imagination or something you made up in your mind, then I could only know what you know, right?"_

"I guess that makes sense," Lassiter said, surprised by the actual logic behind Shawn's thinking.

 _"So if I tell you something you don't know and it turns out to be right, then it_ has _to be the real me. Something really obscure, something you would NEVER guess, so we're positive."_

"Okay, fine then. Shoot."

 _"Umm . . . When we were nine, Gus and I went for a walk in one of those butterfly gardens and he got swamped by butterflies and now he's terrified of them. We're not actually sure why the kept landing on him - we think it had something to do with the chocolate bar he was carrying at the time . . ."_

Lassiter blinked. "Guster is scared of butterflies?"

 _"Yeah, call him a double-check if you want! I swear it's the truth!"_

Figuring he had nothing to lose, Lassiter picked up his phone and went to dial Gus's number, pausing only when he realized he didn't know it. He could almost hear Shawn rolling his eyes when he rattled off the number for him, and Lassiter's face grew a deeper shade of red, snapping that of course he'd known the number. The phone barely rang once before Guster answered.

 _"Hello, you've reached Burton Guster, how can I help you?"_

"Guster, it's Lassiter," he said quickly.

 _"Lassiter? Why are you calling me at 6:12 in the morning?"_

"This might seem like an odd question, but . . ." Lassiter rolled his eyes. "Are you scared of butterflies?"

The quick gasp on the other end of the phone was all Lassiter needed to confirm Shawn's earlier remark.

 _"Shawn swore he wouldn't tell anyone! I am so going to kill him when he meets me later-"_ The line went dead and Lassiter pulled the phone away from his ear, huffing. Apparently the other man had forgotten they'd been talking in his betrayal.

 _"So?"_ Spencer's voice chirped. Lassiter sighed and rubbed his already aching temples.

"I'm not going to be able to sleep until we figure this out," he finally growled. "So this is what we're going to do - I'm going to ask you about the last thing you remember, then you are going to shut up, STAY QUIET, and we're going to go look for . . . to find out wherever _you_ are. Got it?"

 _"That almost sounded threatening,"_ Shawn's voice echoed. _"You know you can't hurt me without hurting yourself, right? You literally can't do anything to stop me from talking-"_

"I'll find a raccoon to cuddle with and wrap myself up in a blanket of tassels."

Shawn instantly shut up, and Lassiter grinned like a wolf that just made it's first kill.

"That's better," he said. "Now, what's the last thing you r-"

It was at that particular moment that his cell phone chose to start having a seizure. Lassiter grabbed the trembling object in his hand and let his eyes briefly flick over the caller ID before answering it with an abrupt, "Lassiter."

 _"Carlton? It's Juliet. Listen, I need you to come down to the station right now."_

Lassiter frowned. "Is eve-" He didn't get a chance to finished his question before the line went dead. Growling, Lassiter turned off the phone with a sharp glare. "What is it with people hanging up on me today?"

 _"What, I thought that was normal for you."_

"Shut it, Spencer," Lassiter warned as he strolled over to his dresser. He pulled open the drawers and selected an clean pair of pants. He tossed them lightly onto his bed and started to undo his buttons.

 _"Wait, what are you doing?"_ Fear crept into Shawn's voice.

"I'm getting dressed, idiot."

 _"Oh, no. Nuh-uh. This is so not happening, not while I'm here-"_

"Well, then just don't look!" Lassiter snapped.

 _"Dude, I'm in your head! I see what you see! I CAN'T not look!"_

"Listen, Spencer! I'm not comfortable with this either, alright? But what do you want me to do, never change clothes again?"

 _Shawn grumbled, then said, "We could at least delay it-"_

"Just. Shut. Up."

Silence lay thick in Lassiter's mind. Then:

 _"You know, if you worked out a bit more you wouldn't be so-"_

"I said SHUT UP!" Lassiter roared, his face burning.

This was going to take some getting used to.

* * *

 **There was SO much more I wanted to put in this first chapter, but I needed to break it off somewhere. So all the rest of that fun stuff is going to have to be moved to chapter 2. :( Anyway,** **I really wanna hear what you guys say, and unlike Shawn, I can't even pretend to be psychic, so please please tell me what you're thinking! Thank you! :D**


	3. O Where o Where Has My Spencer Gone?

**A/N: 'Ello! I hope you've been enjoying the story~ I'm very happy with the way it's going. Honestly I'm so excited to actually finish this one ^^ I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but this takes place around the episode Cirque du Soul, so if you're confused about the stuff with Marlowe it could possibly be that you haven't watched the episode yet. Sorry XP Anyways! As always, I hope you enjoy! (This was like the saddest Author's Note ever XD I literally had nothing to say. :P)**

 **Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

Lassiter locked the front door behind him and trotted out to his car, ignoring Spencer's incessant chattering. He could already feel a headache beginning to creep into the base of his skull. _God, has it really only been twenty three minutes?_

"For the last time, Spencer, I don't care if the toast you had for breakfast yesterday had seeds on it," Lassiter said as he started the engine and pulled out of the driveway.

 _"But Lassie!"_ the other man whined. _"You asked me what I could remember about yesterday! And I can't remember if it had seeds on it or not!"_

"Why is that important? They're just seeds!"

 _"It's not important,"_ Shawn moped. _"It's just that I can't remember."_

"What's that supposed to mean?"

 _"Nothing,"_ Shawn said, a little too quickly. _"Anyway, after breakfast-"_

"Can't you just skip to the important parts?" Lassiter sighed.

 _"How do you know this isn't important? Now, back to all the colors of the flowers-"_

Lassiter groaned and rubbed his forehead while Shawn rambled. Making a quick decision, he gave the wheel a sharp turn, drumming his fingers against the edges.

 _"Uh, this isn't the way to the station, Lassie. Where are we going?"_

"I need to get something to drink," Lassiter grumbled.

 _"Ooo, Lassie! I know what you need! A nice, cold, delicious smoothie!"_

"Not a chance, Spencer." Lassiter snapped. "I'm going to go get coffee like I do every morning, whether you like it or not, because this is _my_ body and _I'm_ driving the car."

 _"But I can never start my day without a pineapple smoothie!"_ Shawn whined. _"C'mon, just give it a try!"_

"I said no!"

Shawn's grumbling gradually lapsed into silence. Lassiter relaxed a little bit in the peace and quiet as he pulled into the front of his favorite coffee shop. To his surprise, Spencer was dead silent the entire time it took to get out of the car, into the coffee shop and to the end of the line. Pleased, Lassiter's face relaxed into something that wasn't a scowl.

"Three creams, four sugars?" the kid at the register - Dillon - asked. Lassiter nodded and slid the money out of his wallet and across the counter while Dillon made his usual mug. Placing the cup down in front of Lassie, he scooped up the change with his free hand, nodding.

"Perfect. Thanks for coming," he said.

Lassiter nodded and reached for the mug - and then froze. His brow furrowing, Lassiter put a little more effort into it, but his hand remained trapped in midair. He growled and strained to move farther to no avail, although his hand grew red with effort. Dillon looked at the detective curiously.

"Is everything all right, sir?"

"Fine," Lassiter huffed, and then continued under his breath, "Spencer, you better stop this _right now._ "

 _"Stop what?"_ Shawn echoed innocently.

 _"Spencer!"_ Lassiter growled, louder this time. Dillion stared at him.

 _"Okay, okay, Mr. Grumpy-Pants."_

Suddenly all the force that was keeping his hand back vanished and Lassiter's hand shot forward, knocking the cup over and spilling it's contents everywhere. Lassiter cursed loudly and Dillon jumped back from the counter, his brow ceased.

"Sorry about that, sir. I'll get you another one, sir," he rushed, flustered under Lassiter's fired glare. While he was making a second cup, Lassiter fumed at Shawn under his breath.

"You're acting like a two year old and making me look like a fool," he snarled.

 _"Sorry, Lassie. Y'know, since this cup is ruined, maybe we can g-"_

"NO pineapple smoothies. I'm getting another cup," Lassiter insisted, throwing Shawn into another series of grumbles. "And I can hear you, you know!"

"Here you go, sir," Dillon said, handing Lassiter a fresh cup. "Three creams, four sugars."

"Thank you," Lassiter said, and stalked out of the coffee shop, new mug in hand. Unlocking his car and hopping into the front seat, Lassiter took a giant swig of coffee only to instantly cough it out a second later. Coffee splattered all over his suit and the dashboard of his car.

 _"That is disgusting!"_ Shawn yelped. _"How do you drink coffee like that? Yuck!"_

"Spencer!" Lassiter yelled, his face getting redder by the second. "Look what you did to my tie!"

 _"Relax, Lassie, it's not that big a deal. The tie was a crime against fashion anyway. Actually, I think the coffee stains improve it. Balances out the purple and the bright orange so it's all kinda a single, slightly-more-acceptable color."_

"You're buying me a new one!" Lassiter huffed, sharply turning the car into the SPBD's parking lot.

Much to Lassiter's annoyance, Shawn continued to argue the entire way up the station's steps all the way to the front desk, where, Lassiter quickly realized, he couldn't argue back. He grit his teeth and set his jaw, trying very, very hard not to yell at the psychic in the middle of the station.

 _"Hey, Lassie-face! Isn't that your girlfriend standing next to my girlfriend?"_

At the mention of his girlfriend, Lassiter's head snapped up and he forgot about being mad at Spencer, all his emotions being replaced by surprise. Spencer was right - Marlowe had her hand on Juliet's shoulder, and she seemed to be consoling her. Any pleasure Lassiter may have felt was overtaken by concern - first for his girlfriend (who was at a police station) and then for his partner (who seemed distressed.)

 _"I hope everything's okay,"_ Shawn said, voicing Lassiter's thoughts. Squaring his shoulders, Lassiter quickly strode over to the pair.

"Marlowe," he said. "What's going on?"

Marlowe's eyes lit up at the sight of Carlton, and he relaxed a bit on the inside. _She seems to be okay,_ Lassiter thought, looking her over. _O'Hara, on the other hand . . ._

 _"Jules seems really upset."_ Shawn's worry echoed through Lassiter's own mind (no pun intended).

"O'Hara? What's wrong?"

"Shawn's gone," she breathed.

Lassiter heard Shawn sigh. His eyebrows ticked a notch up at the sound, but instead of commenting he asked Juliet what she meant by "gone".

"I mean that I woke up this morning and he wasn't there. I called Gus and Henry and even the Psych office, but I couldn't find him anywhere."

"What about his cell phone?"

"We tried that," Marlowe piped up. "Nobody answered."

"And you didn't see or hear anything, Bunny?" Lassiter asked, his tone a tad sweeter than normal. He could almost hear Shawn rolling his eyes. "Oh, like you're any better," he muttered under his breath so only Spencer could hear.

"No. I'm sorry, but I didn't. I came down to the station to give my side of the story, but I really don't remember anything out of the ordinary." Marlowe pouted. "We watched T.V. for awhile, then Juliet and Shawn went to bed like they always do. I went to bed not very long after. Everything seemed fine."

"It's okay, Bunny," Lassiter cooed. "You did fine."

 _"Lassie, stop flirting with your girlfriend while I'm missing! It's very insensitive!"_ Shawn whined.

"O'Hara, you realize that we can't officially do anything until it's been forty-eight hours," Lassiter said, ignoring Shawn.

"I know," Juliet said, her face dropping. "But we don't really have a lot of other cases to work on, and I can't help worrying . . ."

Lassiter fingered his gun thoughtfully. On one hand, it was against protocol to take up a missing persons case before forty-eight hours when there wasn't any evidence to suggest something was really wrong. But on the other hand, Lassiter _knew_ something was really wrong - he just couldn't prove it without sounding insane. Then again, normal work would be impossible with Spencer in his head all day. He'd lose his mind before noon . . .

 _"The case file,"_ Shawn said suddenly.

"What?" Lassiter whispered?

 _"I was working a case. If you can get into the Psych office, I have proof that I didn't just fly the coop so you can start looking sooner."_

Coming to a decision, Lassiter gave a slight nod. "O'Hara. We might not be able to officially start yet, but since we don't have anything else to work on we can check the Psych office. Just for a few minutes."

Juliet's eyes brightened slightly. "Thanks, partner," she said, practically jumping into action. Lassiter followed suite and was just about to follow her out the door when Marlowe called out to him, making him freeze on the spot.

"Hey, Carlton! Wait a second." Marlowe was smiling shyly when her turned around. His lips twitched. "Are we still on for tomorrow night?" she asked timidly.

Lassiter blinked.

"On? On for what?" he echoed.

"For our date," Marlowe said, her brow furrowing. "But of course now that Shawn's missing, I'm sure you have a lot to do and you'll be really busy-"

"No, not at all!" Lassiter said quickly. "I will be there."

 _"Lassie! You can't possibly plan to go out on a date while my poor body's out there somewhere-"_ Shawn whined, but his rant was interrupted by Marlowe's "Really?" accompanied by her full, beaming smile. She leaned in for a quick hug and Lassiter gladly obliged, ignoring Spencer's protests and holding onto her just a second longer than necessary. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, breathing in the scent of her hair and realizing how much he'd missed her.

 _"Lassie-face! EARTH TO LASSIE!"_

Lassiter cleared his throat, suddenly remembering that he existed. He broke off the hug and smiled, albeit slightly awkwardly. "Right. So, see you tomorrow," he said.

"I'll be waiting," Marlowe grinned.

* * *

 **Again, I'm not psychic and I'll never know what you're thinking if you don't tell me, so please review! Says good things! Say bad things! I don't care, just tell me what you thought. X3 Till next time!**


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